In order to give you a little more context into my previous post about fighting for joy, it’s necessary that I show you some of my journey to find healing for my body and how distorted my view of joy really was.
Since I studied abroad in France in the spring of 2010, my health had been on the decline. My body suffered through days of extreme exhaustion, followed by nights of restless sleep. This affected my moods, how I interacted with friends and family, and my relationship with God.
For two years, I saw doctor after doctor (I think I’ve counted 8 doctors), hoping they would give me some answers as to why I was so fatigued or why this girl in her early 20’s felt like an 80-year-old. I was tested over and over again for mono, diabetes, etc. by these doctors. And once my tests came back normal, the majority of the doctors passed me off like there was nothing wrong, and they made me think I was crazy. I just became more and more discouraged, disheartened, and frustrated. The breaking point came this September when a doctor told me, “There’s nothing anyone can do for you. No one treats fatigue.”
So often during the past few years, I prayed to God for healing. I knew God was sovereign over this and in control of my situation, but I really began to doubt His goodness for me. I believed He was good to everyone else, but for some reason, He was just not being good to me. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t find a doctor, or why He was letting this happen to me. I often cried out, “Lord, I know You can heal me by just saying the word. So why aren’t You? What are You doing?”
Through all of this, I was failing in my fight for joy. Failing to cling to the joy that is in being in a relationship with the God of the universe. Failing to see the joy of a Savior who died the death I deserved, so that I could have life. Failing to notice that it was my anger, my attitude, my bitterness, my doubt, my sin that strangled my joy. Failing to see God working in the midst.
James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (emphasis added)
“Pure joy? Pure joy?” I thought. “How do You expect me to get joy out of this trial? Because I’m definitely not seeing it that way.”
But, like I said in the last post, God, in His kindness did not leave me there. Soon after the encounter with the discouraging doctor, I had a conversation with my friend (the conversation I mentioned in the last post). When I asked my friend how this could be for my good, she responded by saying, “In His kindness, He doesn’t leave you as you are. The Lord cares too much to leave you unchanged.”
And with that, God made something click in my heart. While I was in this state of anger and doubt, God graciously and gently reminded me that this was and is for my good. And only by His grace did He show me that He truly does work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). He is working for the good of my heart.
Friends, God does care about your circumstances. He knows your heart, and He knows every need. But could it be that God cares even more about the state of your heart?
But you say, “Rachel, you have no idea what I’m going through. This is hard stuff. There is no joy in it.”
To that, I respond, He loves you too much to leave you as you are. By no means am I suggesting that fighting for joy is easy. But we do have a perfect model of joy through Jesus.
Hebrews 12:1-3 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
There is a Savior who loves you so much that He willingly died to bring you life. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross for you. Will you receive the life and joy that comes only through Him?
Here’s a sneak peek at more posts in this series, coming soon:
We Can’t Do Anything on Our Own | Freedom Through Pain and Trial
Praising Him in All Circumstances | Sovereignty vs. Goodness | Uncomfortable Grace
Strength in Weakness | What We Can Learn From Joseph